So, these two weeks were much longer than I had anticipated. I spent hours scouring the internet for all sorts of things. I feel like my anxiety was at bay, most of the time, and I was as calm as I could be. Each minute felt like it took an hour, but it's finally over.
We are officially pregnant!
With that being said it is sooooo hard to be excited. We have been down this road (of positive betas,) three times before and all have ended in loss. I think it's fair to say that we are apprehensively optimistic (with huge smiles).
I keep trying to see the glass half full and if you haven't lost a child before you can't understand how difficult it is to be pregnant again, it's just so difficult. Obviously I was ecstatic the first few minutes on the phone with the nurse but then reality sunk in. It's so painful to get your hopes up and have them ripped away from you over and over again. Every cramp or twing I feel I think of the losses, every time I go to the bathroom I am expecting red on the toilet paper.
I want so badly to feel the same way as our first pregnancy, naive, excited, and planning the next few years of our lives, but I can't do that to myself anymore, it's too painful. So until I see that heartbeat........... apprehensively optomistic it is!
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