IVF #2 Trigger

Today is the day.  We get to trigger tonight at 11 and ER is Thursday at 10!  Feels good to know what is going on.

My estrogen is lower that last time, but I have more visible eggs!?! Don't get that as the mature eggs produce the estrogen but I'll just go with it.

IVF # 2 Stim Day 11

One

More

Night

This morning the nurse said she was 99% sure that I would trigger tonight........... But in typical fashion, nothing goes as planned and I will be stimming one more night, tonight, then triggering tomorrow.

That biotch, estrogen, didn't rise as much as it should have, so waiting it is.

I am pretty frustrated because I love to know what is going on in my life, in fact you may say I have a type a personality.  I love control, I love to be able to plan, obses over the numbers, and use goggle to analyze every number that I get.

This whole process has stripped that ability to control away from me.  While I still obses, plan, and analyze, I am not able to control.  I know that this is the biggest issue that I have to work on but it is soooooo hard to not try.

With that being said, I know I have to trust.  I have to trust that the doctors know what to do.  I am not a doctor, nor am I a medical researcher.  I know that we want more eggs, so holding out until more mature is the right answer, but I also don't want to lose any.

Trust....... Trust....... Trust....

Same regiment

PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin
250 Ganirelix

IVF # 2 Stim Day 10

Estrogen........ Why!  So annoying.  I have to Stim one more night but I don't know why I let myself think that maybe, just maybe I could be done earlier rather than later.  I am going to have to come to the realization that I may be stimming for a long time again......... Please no!

Back to the clinic tomorrow at 7 :/  Same meds so that's all I've got for now!


PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin
250 Ganirelix

IVF #2 Stim Day 9

Got my AMH back and we are back in business, 1.31!  That is better than it was before my lap, which brought it down to 0.31, I'll take it!  Now we just need my RPL labs to come back normal, I'm getting nervous! We already had all karyotyping and that was normal so that is great!  Keep the good news coming for 9 months and I'll be happy!

Got my labs back, guess what!?!?  Estrogen still low but everything's growing so that is good!  Stimming another night then back for blood and ultra tomorrow here's the details


PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin
250 Ganirelix

IVF #2 Stim Day 8

Everything is going along well, estrogen still being a bitch and not rising that quickly but seems like that is status quo around here.   On a plus, it looks like all eggs are responding and all measuring between 15 and 8 so that is really good!

Tonight we added ganirelix to help slow down the larger eggs so the smaller ones can catch up! The more the merrier!

We are still waiting on the RPL results and my AMH.  I am excited and nervous to know the results but we need to figure out what is going on, good or bad.  I go back tomorrow for blood and ultrasound!

PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin
250 Ganirelix 

IVF #2 Stim Days 4-7

So looks like things are going better then the last cycle, so far at least.  Now that doesn't mean much but I'm a bit more hopeful.

Staying on the same dosage until Thursday!

PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin

IVF #2 Stim Day 1-3

Today is stim day one.  I am hopeful that this will be our miracle cycle, but realistic that it may not :/

We just got back from a graduation party for one of our friends and there were three newborns there.  I feel exhausted from having to smile, ask questions, and hold back my sobs that I wanted to cry for the short hour and a half I was there.

I wanted to stay to hang out with our friends who to be honest, I have been avoiding for months, but I couldn't take one more second of it.  I feel horrible and so sad that I had to leave but I was about to lose it.

Our closest friends know some of what is going on so they were very respectful and didn't say anything, thank The Lord, but it was just sad. I felt resentful, mad, and overwhelmed that all of these people could have children so easily and we have been working so hard.

I am not telling anyone that we are doing another ivf except for my parents and one friend at school who did ivf and teaches across the hallway from me.  She has been such a great support throughout all of this for me and is always so on top of what is going on, asking how things are going and how I'm feeling.

This cycle we are changing things up and doing a short flare protocol.  My regiment is

PM
300 Bravelle
225 Menopur
40 mg Lovenox
Baby aspirin

Then I also take a prenatal, zinc, folic acid, and DHEA.

IUI #5

We didn't really have an iui so I guess this cycle will just be called half-ass!  We ended up triggering Saturday night, March 29th, at 7pm and the cab picked us up for vacation at 12:15 am, Sunday March 30th! Obviously we didn't do an iui, just au natural and as I expected, it was a big fat negative.  Why would it have worked?  We tried the natural route minus the medicine for 13 months before the RE's route.

I just have no more words (as hard as that may be to believe).   Just annoyed, frustrated, pissed, feel like its so unfair, but in some sick way I'm somehow looking forward to moving onto IVF #2.

Anyways, we spent a magical week in Puerto Vallarta, 82 degrees and sunny everyday.  It was just what the doctor ordered........ except for the negative beta :/

I think everyone should go away right after a cycle because I truly felt alive and normal again.  I could walk around and not have anyone wondering if this would finally be our month, no one was asking how I was with an awkward pause because what they really meant is what is really going on, and no one looking at me with sad eyes.

Today when I went for my beta I asked about the recurrent pregnancy loss panel (RPL).  I thought that I had completed it all but couldn't find the results in my portal or place where all my blood work gets posted.  When I asked the nurse she said I only had about five done so I requested that I have the complete panel done.

The great thing about being with this larger clinic is that one of the doctor is a reproductive immunologist so I also asked if I should consult with her.  The nurse said that she would ask but that they would probably run the rpl panel then when I get pregnant we would consult with the other doctor.  I'm going to ask again when I talk to the nurse again tomorrow, but that's the plan for now.

When we spoke with the doctor after our loss we decided to do a short flare protocol to see how I respond to that, so I have to call the IVF coordinator tomorrow and hopefully know more then.