Thankbook posts

I don't literally mean that I have a book of things that I am thankful for, although maybe it would be a useful tool to reference so that I not as cynical, but it's the nickname I have created for the new phenomena that occurs in the month of November on Facebook.  People feel the need to share all of the various reasons why they are thankful, each day, publicly, for all the internet world to see.  

First of all, is there some kind of "thankful quote bank" somewhere that I don't know about, because every single person has the same types of posts about family, jobs, spouses, and kids.  The reason that I do not like it is because most people posts are very superficial or braggy.  Shouldn't you be telling that person or people directly, not posting it on the internet?  Does it feel more real to you to tell the entire world, is your logic that maybe if you say it enough you will start to believe it (believe me I've tried this in other realms of my life).  Is this a facade or are you trying to prove to the world that you love this person or thing more than anyone else? Or has our world changed so much that everyone sits behind computer screens and posts their feelings to put on a show?  I think that is what Annoys me, don't try and prove to others by posting it on Facebook, prove to that person IN person! I just don't get it, but too each their own! 

IUI's are a big deal!

I'm gonna let ya all in on a little secret! Doing iui's is not considered a big deal in the RE world.  However, to me, each and every one we did felt like a big deal.  For the last two we even did injectables, just like if we were doing Ivf! Maybe I was naive in the beginning, but I'm not anymore and I think it's unfair that they aren't more important.  I get that they cost way less than Ivf from a monetary standpoint, but they are equal in terms of an emotional investment.

Now let's be honest, by the time you get to the point of going to an RE, you more than likely will need more than just an iui.  It just seems a bit unfair that they aren't considered more important but I guess you have to draw the line somewhere!?!?!?  We have done four cycles with a total of seven iui's and have had three of them work, just not stick!

That's one injustice in the world that I've been thinking about while I've been sitting around waiting.

Penny for your thoughts :/

Every few hours of my waking days this week, I have had moments that I think about what would have been and what our lives would be like had our baby been born November 9th.

While driving home from work I wondered if we would have already had the baby, or if I would have delivered past the due date.

While at breakfast I wondered if we would have been out and about yet as new parents, or would we have been too nervous and spent the entire first week at home?

While sitting on the couch, I wondered if I would have been sleep deprived yet.

While at the grocery store I almost started crying as we walked past the baby aisle, would I have gone down that aisle had he or she been there?

It's just the little things everyone takes for granted that I hope not to if we do someday become parents.

Buh-bye Lupron!

Since lupron is no longer a character in our story anymore guess what we do now............we wait!

Shocking, I know!

Uhhhhhh more waiting, I don't know how much longer I can wait.  It feels like I've been waiting my whole life to have to wait longer to wait yet again to wait to ttc!!! Did you follow that!?!? Not sure I do, but it is what it is, and add it to the list!!!!!!

After you stop the lupron, it can take 1-3 months to get your period back.  I'm not sure I knew this when I bent over to get the shot, but too late now!  Is it me or does it seem like that would have been a good thing to know before you start a new medicine.  The 3-4 months of shots would have been more like 6-9 months with the amount of time it could have taken to get my period back, my word what a tragedy that would have been.

I'm a little frustrated and feeling defeated bc the RE said we had a very low chance of conceiving naturally, but he wants me to be more emotionally leveled out, so that's the plan. If that doesn't work we will do ivf the following month.  So until then, you got it, we are WAITING!! That's all for now loves!

Lupron -Week Four/Five

I've been slacking and I haven't written in a while, sorry!!

Lupron, lupron, lupron, how I haven't missed you a bit!  I called the doctors office last week and met with the doctor about the next injection.  I had been feeling very emotional and emotionally uncontrollable which was causing my anxiety to increase.  I would have 2-3 good days where I would feel good, I didn't say normal, but my emotions were somewhat under control and I wasn't feeling like I had to cry every time someone said the wrong thing. But then.........then I would have a bad day, which consisted of almost uncontrollable crying, major anxiety, and very hypersensitive to everything.  After discussing it with the RE, we mutually decided it wasn't worth it and I would not take the next shot.  This was both relieving and made me nervous, which you probably would have guessed!


Good news is that we made it through our first due date from our first precious angle who we lost in March.  I've said this before in a previous post but the only thing that got me through everything was that I thought I would for sure be pregnant by this date, but I'm not :( Mr. E and I went downtown Chicago and went out to eat and spent the night.  It was a very nice distraction but it was still very difficult.


Ehhh so that's about it for now, I just have to wait until AF comes, so we shall see how long that will be.

Lupron - Week Three

I had a much better week in terms of emotions.  I am doing the add-back treatment, so I have a low dose estrogen patch.  I also have this spray called evamist that I spray on my arm each day.  I by no means feel like I am normal, I'm still crying very easily, and still don't feel myself, but it is a bit more tolerable, but no fun!

Do I like lupron..... No.
Do I want to stay on lupron....... No.
Do I think it's working..... I have no idea
Am I hopeful it will work...... Heck yea, I have nothing else to loose at this point, oops I forgot about my sanity!!!!!!

I go next week for my second shot, I hope everything stays the same, and I stay a few steps back from THE LEDGE!!!!!ll